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March 29 2016


Self Help - Which means your Life Is Full Of Problems - That's Great!

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Not only is life stricken by pain, it is also suffering from problems. Do you ever have days when your life seems beset by problems? Carry out. Have you also noticed how on other days, exactly the same issues don't seem like problems in any respect? In the same way that there is cause to find the positive out of your pain, there is also induce to celebrate problems. In case you didn't have any problems in your life, you would be stagnating. Sure choosing safe, but you would not be growing.

So, what now ? if you have problems in your life?

As amazing as it seems, problems only exist when you notice them, think about them or focus on them. Identifying a challenge causes it to exist. Until the period there is no problem. The challenge with having a problem is we tend to focus upon it and in doing so, ignore any devices that is not the problem.

Once we find a problem, we expend a substantial amount of energy on clearly defining and putting boundaries for the problem so that we realize exactly where it is, how it is, how big it is and just why it is a problem for all of us. This is a wonderful academic exercise, but does little to help you find solutions, to view beyond the problem in order to understand why it arose in your own life and what you are supposed to learn or heal because of it.

While you focus on one goal on the problem, especially if it is a big bad overwhelming problem, it is difficult for you to see into the space which is not the problem.

The biggest tips I can give in relation to problems in your own life are:

 It is not necessary to immerse yourself from the 'drama' of your problem. The process does not serve you. Exceed the drama and seek the learning outcome everything's presenting to you.
 Every 'problem' exists that will help you gain an understanding about you or life. When you gain the understanding you can watch the problem melt away.
 It isn't healthy to use your problems to realize attention for yourself or to reinforce any victim or martyr pattern you have.

There are a number of different techniques you need to use when you have a 'problem' in your own life to assist you to find solutions to or gain understandings concerning the problem.

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1. Using Logic

You should use the following questions to assist you in finding your way around problems that you experienced. Identifying the problem in writing and listing what you will be going to do about this can help you to see your way clear towards the solution on the other side with the problem. Taking the actions you've identified will help you to gain whatever you have to learn from the problem.

Answer these questions in relation to the problem:

 What is the problem?
 How does one currently feel about the situation?
 What is the outcome or goal you are seeking in relation to the challenge?
 What feelings will you have when you achieve this outcome or goal?
 What hurdles or barriers are presently preventing you from the achievement on this goal?
 What personal strengths are you experiencing that will assist you to achieve this outcome or goal?
 What other resources is needed you to achieve the outcome or goal?
 What things would you try?
 What actions would you like to take?
 When will these actions be used by?
 How will you celibrate your success when you achieve this outcome/goal?

2. Identifying The actual Metaphor Or Message

Problems that you experienced are showing you issues to heal, i.e. what you hoped to learn and overcome within this lifetime. Look at the problems in your own life and see if they contain messages or metaphors in your case about which area in your life needs to be healed. What exactly are they showing you? When you are getting the message, step up for the lesson and meet it at once. Be courageous and heal it forever. All problems are purely and learning and growth opportunities.

I can't underestimate the difficulty of doing what I have suggested in the earlier paragraph. When I first started seeing life by doing this, what I am suggesting was obviously a difficult and often soul baring way to undertake. The more I did so it, however, the better it has become. I now view problems as puzzles for me to solve and heal. I intensify to each one knowing beforehand that often I will not like what investigating the underlying meaning behind the challenge will show me about myself.

3. Taking out the Emotional Attachment

Madness or the lesson behind the problem becomes so much easier to discern when you can remove your emotional attachment to the situation (i.e. kid the drama). If you possibly could step back from the problem and examine it objectively, it will be much easier to understand the basis for and the lesson to get gained from the problem. You will probably understand how it fits into the bigger scheme of your life.

4. Visiting a Different Perspective Around the Issue

This technique is very effective for conditions that involve other people. When other people are involved, it can be our wherewithal to see their perspective for the situation that led to the problem in the first place. Understand that other people in your life will often be either:

 Reflecting messages to you about yourself; and/or
 Assisting you to learn your lessons.

Additionally it is helpful to understand that all people have a different perspective on the same situation.

For example, some time ago I was friends with a newly married couple who have been experiencing difficulties. One night the husband rang me, said his wife was out and that he needed someone to talk with. I listened and it was amazed at his perspective over a marriage that I, as an outsider, had seen very differently. The next week his wife rang, informed me her husband was out for the night and she needed someone to talk to. Again I listened. Her look at the marriage was vastly completely different from both her husband's and mine. In fact, if had not known both of them, I would have sworn these folks were talking about different marriages.

Just as that the husband and wife saw their marriage through vastly different lenses, so too do most people in relationships (particularly difficult ones). If both sides could step outside themselves in addition to their focus upon their very own wounds to walk one mile in the other person's moccasins, the problem could often be quickly and harmoniously resolved.

It will also help to resolve the problem should you let go of the need to be right. It serves neither you nor each other. If the other person carries a need to be right, understand that is where they are on the journey and ignore it. You cannot heal others, only yourself. In healing yourself you'll, however, open the way for them to heal themselves.

5. Wondering Questions To Find Answers to Problems

An intense focus upon the situation can often stop you from finding solutions to the problem. Asking yourself questions in relation to the use of Cartesian logic will help you find your way to solutions. It is usually a fun technique to use with friends stuck in the problem.

Cartesian logic contains four a quick question you can use with linguistics to assist see beyond your problems and commence to find solutions. Cartesian logic states that for a problem to show true it must prove true in all of the four of the following quadrants (which we're going to replace with questions):

 What may not happen if you did?
 What would happen if you did?
 What may not happen if you didn't?
 What would happen if you didn't?

Mastering these four quick questions will enable you to think outside your problems towards the place where solutions are available.

For example, a lady located see me. Her problem in connection with her wastrel husband and whether she should leave him. Specialists her the four questions from Cartesian logic the following:

 What would happen if you left your husband?
 What would happen if you didn't leave your husband?
 What wouldn't happen in case you left your husband?
 What wouldn't happen in the event you didn't leave your husband?

By the time she had answered the questions she'd found her solution.

Other People's Problems

It is tempting to rush in that assist other people sort out their problems and provides them the benefit of all your great wisdom and private growth experience.

Listed below are my tips for helping other folks:

 Remember people can only be helped when they (not you) are ready.
 It is far better to help someone develop their own solution to a difficulty then it is for you to solve it for the children. They will have 'ownership' of the solution and be more willing to carry it out.
 Some people thrive on playing the 'yes but' game in relation to their problems. This is game the person using the problem is guaranteed to win. It's advisable if you cease to play the game as soon as you recognize it or stop it before it also starts.

An example of the 'yes, but' game:

Paul: We've this really big problem. It is a giant banana. (The sport has begun).

Rebecca: Oh dear. I needed one of them once i found that apples were a better solution.

Paul: Yes, however that won't work for me because... (He reaches do his first 'yes, but').

Rebecca: Oh. Well, I've also heard that carrot sticks can help.

Paul: Yes, however that won't work for me because... (With the second 'yes, but' things are beginning hot up).

Rebecca: Oh. The sole other suggestion We've is to use lettuce.

Paul: Yes, others have suggested this too, but it won't work to me because... (This is the third 'yes, but', he or she is nearly the winner).

Rebecca: Well that's a big problem. I don't have any idea how to help you.

Ta da and Paul is currently the winner in the 'yes, but' game as he has just proved that he features a problem that is soooo big and soooo bad that no-one else will help him. Poor Paul, such a great way to get attention and grow stuck in the problem.

Anybody with the problem in the 'yes but' game isn't seeking your assist with solve the problem. They are seeking confirmation that they have a problem that is so large and so bad that no-one else may help them. They are seeking confirmation of the correctness of their decision to be stuck in the problem because it is so bad it cannot be overcome. Playing the game does not aid either you or them.

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